While most of the work we provide in the practice is focused on helping couples navigate challenges and create change that allows them to stay connected for the long-haul, we recognize that does not play out for every couple. When the relationship is over for one or both partners, we often wonder what is next, how to communicate this, and what healing looks like.
Communicating the relationship is over:
Communicate directly and take ownership. Use "I" language to express that you are no longer able to stay in the relationship and what steps you are taking to move out of the relationship. We have some tips on how to do this in the video below.
Understand what is leading you to this decision. Be clear about your reasoning for the relationship to be over; this can help you communicate this with your partner and increase their understanding of your actions.
What comes next and healing:
The answer to this is going to look unique to each individual and each couple going through this.
Practically, you will need to discuss the steps and boundaries needed to separate your lives together. These steps and boundaries can be similar and different. In this process, you will be grieving and learning how to adjust to living independently again. The timeline in this process is also unique. In our work, we have seen people move through these steps in just a few weeks and others over a year. It is important to create space, grace, and flexibility through this.
We do recommend if possible for couples to consciously uncouple. This is the idea that you are ending a relationship in a respectful, positive, and constructive way. It focused on self-care and personal growth with the goal of ending the relationship with love and understanding versus bitterness and resentment. When you can consciously uncouple, you help create healing and engage in a learning experience that can help your future relationships. Consciously uncoupling can happen together or individually. We recommend reading Conscious Uncoupling by Katherina Woodward Thomas to learn more about this concept. Rachel Elder is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com
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