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Is Healthy Separation Possible?

Rachel Elder is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com


A thought I have been holding in my couples work lately is:

Is Healthy Separation Possible?

When I provide discernment counseling for couples, one of the paths that is considered is the path of divorce or separation. Society often views divorce or separation as a negative choice and I do not always believe that. I do believe that divorce or separation can be the healthiest choice for a couple. I think the key part for that to be developed, though, is that it requires thoughtfulness and exploration on whether it is the healthy choice needed.


When divorce or separation is a reactionary choice, I do not always believe that is a healthy approach. The reactionary responses or choices can often cause even more damage and pain to heal from.


My thoughts on what is required for healthy separation are the following:

  1. It is a contained process/space: There are roles, responsibilities, and expectations during the separation that are clear to both partners.

  2. Each partner focuses on the work they need to do to become the partner they want to be. They are not focusing on the change their partner needs to make; they are focusing on the change they want to make for themself to be the partner they desire to be.

  3. It has a start and end date. The amount of time needed for separation is unique to each partner, but I believe there should be a mutual commitment for the time required to work on themselves.


You can listen into my thought journey here:



Book I referenced in the video: Conscious Uncoupling by Katherine Woodward Thomas https://amzn.to/4cACH9s

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